Funeral service

Monday morning was mom's funeral. My brother and I got to the funeral home almost a half hour before the viewing and spent that time in a small room off to the side of the viewing room with mom. She looked nice.

Several dozen friends and family attended the service and it was an emotional time talking with them before the service. Mayre and her daughter drove up from Bismarck. Many neighbors came. Also Jeanne, a representative from the Minot Library, a few people from the genealogy society, and a classmate from mom's 1956 nursing school graduating class.

The service lasted twenty minutes or so. The pastor read from the history I had put together for the folder/brochure. It makes sense as he never knew mom, but something I did not anticipate.

The music my brother selected were:

1. Abide With Me
2. How Great Thou Art
3. Jesus Loves Me
4. Amazing Grace

The music was from CDs. Since they are religious songs I expected something more ... religious ... and serious from the singers. A few songs seemed to be "pop-lite", or I guess "religious-lite" in their presentation. The last song, "Amazing Grace", was sung by Willie Nelson. Willie Nelson? It wasn't a bad interpretation, but not a singer I would have chosen for this service. While my brother chose the songs, Mark the funeral director chose the songs on CD.

"Amazing Grace" is a favorite of my mother and brother and my brother sang along during the service.

During the drive to the cemetery the procession drove by a garage sale. As Mayre and a few others noted, "How appropriate!"

Mom had five groups of flowers from her brothers, neighbors, Mayre and her daughter, Jackie a friend of Devan and I, and some of my hiking friends. The flowers from mom's brothers were on an easel and the funeral director brought them to the graveside where we left them with mom as they were so nice.

Many of mom's remaining friends are older women and we barely had enough men, along with the funeral home director, my brother and I, to bear the casket from the SUV hearse to the grave.

I wasn't thinking when I parked behind the SUV hearse. I had parked immediately behind the hearse. The SUV didn't look like a hearse and I wasn't thinking. The funeral home director drove ahead a little more and we had a few more steps to carry mom's casket. I wouldn't think that I was the first person to be brainless at that moment so in hindsight I would have thought he would have stopped a few feet before he wanted to, and once the vehicles came to a stop, move forward a few feet. By the time I realized my error a vehicle was behind me preventing me from backing up.

My brother and I remained after the service while the cemetery worker lowered the casket into the grave. Either not many people remain for this, or the director wasn't thinking, as he had to go find the cemetery person to lower the casket while my brother and I were there.

Later I realized I would have liked to toss some dirt on the casket after it was lowered. Maybe this is a movie cliche, but a ceremony I would have liked to have done. Otherwise all my actions at the service - other than standing up to say a few words about mom - were passive and ultimately unfulfilling - or incomplete - to me. There was no dirt piled nearby to give me the idea at the time.

As we drove out of the cemetery after 11 am a large deer ran across the grass nearby and eventually jumped the fence and ran among the houses on the other side of the street. The cemetery is in the city, and combined with the time, it was surprising to see a deer. Most of you know my thoughts on deer, but my brother, mother and others like them, so it was nice to see the deer in the cemetery.

After the graveside service thirteen of us gathered at a local restaurant - the last one mom visited - to have lunch and a remembrance. It was a nice time.


I took the rest of the flowers home, and here are their pictures. I forgot to get a closeup photo of my uncles' flowers at the cemetery.