Tammy's gone

Tammy left for Minnesota today.  She ended our engagement and moved back to Minnesota to be close to her family.  She wasn't happy.  She hated the house (including that bathroom remodel as all she could see were the flaws in my mudding and painting), didn't like ranch life and didn't like me.

She felt I..

• talked too much,
• went into too much detail when talking,
• talked about stuff or people that didn't interest her,
• talked about boring stuff,
• repeated myself,
• was too analytical, 
• was negative or doubted everything, 
• thought that I thought I knew everything, 
• talked during TV shows and movies,
• talked about stuff she already knew,
• etc.
• and etc. as I can't remember all her complaints about my talking.

An example of me doubting things (according to Tammy) was when she told me she found  a moving company that would come from Billings, MT and haul her stuff to Minnesota for about $500 more than what she could rent the moving van for.  That is not counting the gasoline she would have to pay for if she rented and drove herself.  I asked her if the company was a nationally known company.  When it wasn't, I told her she should check to see if the company was reputable.  Then she got mad at me and said I doubted everything and she hated that about me.  I had read about and seen TV news shows about some moving companies that charge way more than their estimate and held the stuff hostage until the owners paid the higher price.  I just wanted Tammy to be careful.

I also have tinnitus and the loud ringing in my ears makes it hard to hear certain sounds.  Tammy often got very annoyed when I asked her to repeat what she said.

So our conversations dwindled away.   As our interests didn't have much overlap the conversations tended to be about Daisy or things she wanted to talk about.  If people don't talk, even about trivial stuff, the relationship gets disconnected and starts to fray and unravel.

So I didn't argue for her to stay as I can't change the things she hates.  It was up to her if she wanted to stay or go and she chose to go.


Tammy was nervous about driving a truck and pulling her minivan on a trailer behind the truck.  I offered to drive her in the truck to my brother's house in North Dakota which is over halfway to Minnesota.  From there the roads are flat and straight.  But she didn't like that idea.

A friend of Tammy's suggested renting a u-haul trailer instead of a truck.  Tammy ordered a hitch for her van.  Before the hitch arrived she started packing.  The boxes began to add up and she doubted everything would fit in a 6 by 12 ft trailer so she reserved a truck.

Once she had most of the stuff packed I thought everything would just fit in a trailer. In addition to being easier to drive, the trailer would be $500 to $600 dollars cheaper than a truck.   I offered to load the stuff in a trailer and if the stuff didn't fit reload it in a truck.  But the u-haul dealer had another hold on the truck.  Once Tammy rented the trailer she would lose the truck.  So she called me to come to the dealer to look at the trailer.  I still thought the stuff would just fit.  We measured the inside of the trailer which is a few inches smaller than 6 by 12 ft.  While Tammy had a goodbye supper with a number of her friends I laid out an area the size of her trailer and carried out the boxes she had packed so far and the piece of furniture I could manage by myself.  Then looking at what was left to pack I felt certain everything would just fit.  If a handful of boxes wouldn't fit, Tammy could replace their contents for less than $500.

Tuesday we went to Walmart to get a receiver and ball for the hitch.  I had an extra 2" ball she could have but Tammy insisted on a new ball and not a used one from me.  We got the u-haul trailer.  I loaded everything in the trailer by packing it tight.  I had to reposition some stuff as the heavier stuff weighed down the front too much for my liking.  The trailer hitch still rode lower than I care for but it rode low even with the trailer empty.  I worked from after 10 am till almost dark at 10 pm other than a break for lunch and another break to work the bull and turn it loose.


Since Tammy hadn't returned the engagement ring I asked for it back since she ended the engagement.  Initially she said she had packed the ring away and didn't know where it was.  Then she admitted she didn't plan on returning the ring to me.  She said all her friends agreed that since I "suck at relationships" Tammy didn't have to return the ring to me.  Beside Tammy said she didn't want me to give the ring to another woman and ruin her life too.  So I didn't get my ring back.

Tammy left at 7 am this morning to begin her two day drive to Minnesota.    She was emotional and slammed the screen door on her way out of the house which I later had to fix.  She was cursing as she walked to her minivan.  Since she was pulling the trailer she couldn't tear out of here but she was quickly gone.

I'm sad.  I remember the good times and the promise of more. But when someone is unhappy and you can't fix it, it is best to let them go find happiness.